


All the things they say

by mariadelshad



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Homophobic Language, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-18
Updated: 2015-09-20
Packaged: 2018-04-21 10:35:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4825850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mariadelshad/pseuds/mariadelshad
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Daryl decides to go to Deanna's gathering.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Dream a little dream of me

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little idea that came to my head and I thought I should put it into words! Please make sure to leave me a comment telling me what you think! If people actually read and want to see more then I will upload the final part tomorrow! :D

 

 

Daryl finds out that Aaron is more convincing than he originally gave him credit for, persuading the hunter to go to Deanna's gathering with a few quick words. He's searching through the few pieces of clothing that have been shoved into his backpack, trying to find the ones with the fewest rips and tears. He knows that none of his items are to the standards of the Alexandrians and that it doesn't matter how many times he drenches them in soap and water, they will always hold the stench of walkers, dirt and blood. Kind of like him. Because it doesn't matter how much he tries to squeeze into their clay mould and to clean himself of everything he is to fit in with these people, he will never succeed. So he doesn't bother.

 

He pulls out a shirt, catching a whiff of the dead that he's grown so used to, and dresses in it......Daryl has fought more walkers than he can count, has pulled an arrow out of his own midsection and has come face to face with cannibals. Making his way to a party shouldn't be such a difficult task, and yet he stops in his tracks and second guesses his decision more times than he would like to admit.There's one thing that's scarier than the threat of having your flesh torn apart by hungry teeth and that is the idea of too many pairs of eyes staring at him. Daryl is faced with just that when he clicks the front door open and steps inside the building.

 

People have huddled into small groups, the artificial sense of safety lingering in the air. They're in pretty dresses and clean clothes that the dead would rip right off if it so happens that the flimsy walls of Alexandria weren't present. They're drinking and laughing, chatting and continuing their lives as if the end of the world hasn't interrupted their livelihood. Two ladies, Daryl recognizes from where they came to visit Carol before, are the first to look at him. Their eyes bore down on him, looking from his head down to his toes and then back again like they're in a market trying to purchase something. The brunette turns her attention away and begins whispering to the other lady, a glass of champagne fizzing in her hand. 

 

Soon enough Daryl has just the amount of attention on him to make him feel uncomfortable. Maybe it's his general presence or it's the fact that he sticks out like a sore thumb, either way too many people have turned their faces in his direction with wondering eyes and he doesn't like it. Daryl thinks that he might just turn around and step right out, leave behind the people that still haven't put two and two together. But then Abraham is greeting him, dressed up in a long-sleeved polo shirt and Jeans, his typical worn out vest nowhere in sight. 

 

"Hey Daryl, man, you made it" He says, slapping a hand over the hunter's shoulder blade as he guides him further in. Daryl's not sure if he's grateful that the ginger guy is trying to ease him into the situation or if he just wants to tell him that he made a mistake and he wants to leave. But then his eyes land on Rick, whose deep into conversation with the blonde he came to find was called Jessie, and the idea of leaving kind of falls out the window.   
 

 

"You look" Daryl says, making himself turn his attention away from their leader. "Different" Is the best thing he can come up with to tell Abraham.

  
_"Isn't he the guy that spends all his time with the faggots?"_  Daryl catches someone saying under their breath and almost snorts because he still can't believe that some people's biggest problems are the gender of who someone else sleeps with when the end of the world is right outside their door.

"Well, you look the same" Abraham says, still guiding him further towards the middle of the room. "And you have no idea how much I wish I was in my sweaty vest right now, I feel like this stupid shirt is about to burst open at any moment" He makes a mention of quietly, probably so the others don't hear. Daryl almost smiles.

  
_"I think he might be one of them, too. He's always with them. Disgusting"_  A man says to his wife and Daryl continues to ignore their unnecessary comments, but that doesn't mean he doesn't have a sudden urge to turn around and uppercut the guy. It just means that he's more patient than people give him credit for.

  
_"No, Jewels, I don't think they're together. The ginger guy is with the other girl. He ain't no fag "_  Another voice says and Daryl wonders if these people are stupid, and completely useless at whispering, or are they purposely saying things loud enough for him to hear.

When Daryl looks around again Rick isn't where he initially was. The fair-haired girl he was previously standing within now with a young child.

"Can you believe it?" A voice sounds behind him, a voice that Daryl will never fail to recognize. "People still say things like fags? Even today?" An arm lands over Daryl's shoulder, Rick's voice loud enough for pretty much everyone to hear. "Let's get you a drink" He says, guiding the hunter towards the table where the liqueur is being served. The archer is sure Abraham is now, at least, half laughing on his other side. Daryl knows too well that their leader takes a liking to pissing bigots off, but he never expected him to do it in this way. 

.....The next day Daryl has stretched his legs from where he sits on the porch, a happy Judith set on his lap. She's giggling as she puts her little fingers up against the hunters lips while he pretends to nibble on them. _Nom Nom Nom_ Daryl makes the noises against her hand, sending her into further fits of laughter, and for a second they look so peaceful. Like human eating corpses, that could actually tear her fingers off in a second, aren't just a thin wall away.

 

She is so excitable, clapping her hands together with joy and happiness. "What're you laughin' about?" Daryl holds her carefully under her armpits, keeping her from falling back while he jokes with her. "I'm gone eat you up and your laughin' at me?" He continues on, unaware of Rick's presence behind him. This is a side of Daryl that people rarely get the privilege to witness, and the thing is each member of the group look to Judith and Carl like they're their own children, or at least they care for them as they are. They're family and that's what family do. 

 

But Daryl is different, somehow. Rick often finds himself scooping Judith up and handing her to Daryl to quieten down when she cries late at night, his daughter takes a liking to the way the hunter rocks her and makes a grumble of a humming sound. It makes sense since Daryl was the first to feed her, to help her walk, to bring her first toy. 

 

Rick found out that recently even Carl has gone to Daryl for questions about some girl he's started to develop a crush on. And it surprised him at first, because, let's be honest, who expected Daryl to be so okay with that kind of discussion with a teenager? Hell, who expected Carl to be so okay with talking to Daryl about those kind of things? But Daryl had simply told Rick "It ain't no big deal, kid needs someone to listen to him" as he'd nonchalantly wiped a rag over the side of his crossbow, polishing his weapon for the nth time that day.

 

Now Rick shuffles closer and takes a seat beside Daryl on the steps. "You two sound like you're having fun"

 

"We are" The hunter says, bouncing his legs and Rick's daughter along with them. "Little asskicker here ain't scared of nothin' at all" She chortles, almost as though she's confirming what he's saying. "Aint that right, sweetheart? No, you ain't scared of nothin'"

 

In the world where they live now it's difficult to get a moment of peace and pure joy so Rick soaks in the view in front of him and tries to hold onto it for as long as he can. The gentleness of the hunters hold on the child, the way her daughters eyes gleam and sparkle with delight. And the thing is this isn't the first time. Daryl has put his flower crown making skills to use, has stayed up later than necessary when the child couldn't sleep and changed more diapers than Rick can count. Rick doubts that he would do it for someone else or another person's child. This different side of Daryl surprised everyone at first, but then again they don't really know what they were expecting. Because Daryl sure as hell isn't all the things that Rick thought he was the first time they met. No, he is gently, and kind and supportive and he could kill you in three different ways before you have the chance to say your name but that's what you need to be in the world they live in now. Talking about how he feels doesn't make it into his top ten list of skills neither but then again Rick has his fair share of reservedness himself, he can't blame the guy.

 

Rick is deep in thought when his hands reach over, without him even realizing what he's doing, tucking a loose strand of hair away from Daryl's face and placing it behind his ear. It's only when the hunter falls still and stops the bouncing of his legs when Rick realizes what he's doing and retrieves his hands back to his sides like he just got a third-degree burn. He uses his palms against the steps and pushes himself up, clearing his throat and saying something about having to see Carol for something before he's quickly out of sight. Daryl sits like that for a while staring at a Judith whose head is now curiously tilted.

 

.....

 

Rick is laying in between the plush of blankets sprawled out on the bed one afternoon, the pitter-patter of raindrops against the window becoming a symphony to his ears. He has his forearms pulled back to pillow his head, back flat against the comfort of the mattress. _Rick Grimes? You got somthin' you wanna tell me?_ Daryl had said; throaty, low and gruff. Rick never thought about the kind of person he was at that moment, he'd already based an opinion of him through his brother. His brother who was so racist, homophobic and sexist that words don't even begin to describe what kind of person he was. Daryl who turned out to be on a whole different spectrum to him.

 

Rick smiles now, running through a time sequence in his mind and realizing just how far they have come. The melody of rain against glass and the thoughts in his head lull him to sleep eventually, eyelids falling heavy and shut.

 

Next thing he feels are lips against his own, big hands cradling his face and chest against someone else's body. He sees nothing but darkness behind his lids, but his arms reach out and wrap around broad shoulders, the pure sense of safety taking over his very being at that moment. There's stubble brushing against Rick's recently clean-shaven chin and face, soft lips leaving him weak with every movement. His fingers trail over the bump and texture of the person's clothing on their back, over their toned arms and settle on their neck before moving further up and reaching a tangle of soft, long hair. And Rick wants to open his eyes and see the person in his arms but there are fireworks flying and heaven on his lips and too many other feelings Rick knows he's too old for. The person he's holding makes a content noise; throaty, low and gruff. And then his eyes flutter open to an empty room and the beating of rain against glass. Rick sighs and blinks a few times to process what he just dreamed of.

 

.....

 


	2. Us and them

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry that I'm uploading this a day late, a few things came up and I couldn't upload in time. Please tell me what you think, your comments mean so SO much to me! :)

 

Rick tries not to think of lingering kisses and roaming hands the next day, mentally telling himself how unacceptable his thoughts are. He splashes a handful of cold water over his face, hoping he can wash away the thoughts that run through his minds. It's useless. The memories of phantom, tracing fingers and the press of bodies are too intense for him to ignore. The faceless figure in his arms, the gravelly sound of their voice. And their name is right on the tip of Rick's tongue, but he knows that the moment he admits to himself who he's been thinking about more times than he can count is the moment he's absolutely doomed. Instead, he stares at his own reflection in the mirror and attempts to convince himself that it's just his subconscious giving him a hard time.

 

.....

 

Daryl is sitting, cross-legged, on the deck of the porch, sharpening a piece of wood he plans on using to make an arrow when Rick leaves. Typically, their leader halts to greet him, ask how he's doing or at least if he wants breakfast, but today he walks out the front door, takes a double take at the hunter and strolls right away.

 

Daryl's eyes follow Rick's retrieving back until he is out of sight, wondering for a moment if something has gone wrong. He contemplates tracking the former sheriff's footsteps and following him, maybe ask him if everything is alright. But then he forces himself to stay where he is and continue on carving off pieces of wood, telling himself that following the guy would be a stupid move to make just because he wants his attention.

 

.....

 

Rick spends most of the day walking around and around the whole perimeter of Alexandria, checking the walls for nonexistent areas of weakness. Moping around only keeps him distracted and occupied for so long before the urge to turn around and prance back to the house starts to intrude his zones of his thoughts. Instead of returning back to the dwelling that they have been appointed Rick takes a turn to the home where he knows Jessie takes residence.

 

She's a nice lady with an artsy mind, a delicate voice, and a pretty face. Rick should be interested in her, right?

 

Except he feels like he's putting on a facade of a smile as soon as she opens the door, her appearance of happiness to see him genuine while his is a fake act. He doesn't sense an uplifting rush of _want_ strumming through his veins when he looks at her, not physically nor mentally. Immediately guilt manifests in him, telling her that he just wanted to know if everything was okay before he excuses himself.

 

And her constant turn of head to check if there's someone behind her, the emergence of dark circles under her eyes and the subtle shiver in her hands tell Rick that she's not as 'fine' as she says she is, but that's something he knows he should take up with the rest of the group. Discuss and come up with a solution to the situation in her family, because that's the right thing to do, not because he has some other kind of interest in her. Rick walks and kicks the stray pebbles that are unfortunate enough to end up in his way at that moment. He's trying to make himself unnaturally develop the sense of attraction towards someone and that has to definitely make it into the top five lift of dumb things he's done.

 

.....

 

Daryl has produced a whole pile of arrows in a short amount of time simply because he has nothing better to do. He would go and work on the motorbike back at Aaron and Eric's, except he doesn't want to be constantly intruding in on them. He was there from sunrise to sundown the day before, make a habit of hiding himself in their garage isn't something he's looking to achieve.

 

Carl casually steps out of the house with a plate in his hand and a blanket tucked under his arm, dropping the wool throw beside Daryl before adjusting it into position with the toes of his shoes. Daryl keeps to his wooden sticks, focus remaining on not cutting into his own finger. The teen settles down on top of the blanket, folds his legs one under the other and he rests his back against the vinyl railings of the porch. The plate has been sat down on the boy's thigh, one of the sandwiches plucked from it and bitten into by him while his free hand hold the other half of the food towards Daryl.

 

The archer stops moving, knife freezing against wood, as he looks towards the boy. Carl waggles the food further towards the hunter, encouraging him to take it, with his own mouth already filled with bread and seasoned chicken breast.

 

Daryl places his blade down in front of him and accepts half the sandwich from Carl, bringing it to his lips and biting into it. 

 

"Carol made the bread" He says, breaking off the crust with his fingers and putting it into his mouth.

 

"Tha's what she does nowadays"

 

Carl almost breaks into a smile because of the pure level of frustration in the man's voice. "You can come in, you know. You don't have to spend all your time out here" The teen announces and Daryl simply grunts and shrugs. They stay without words for a while after that, eyes just observing the area around them once their food has been eaten. It's too quiet, Daryl thinks and wonders how long it's going to stay this way before there's a herd of walkers too strong for Alexandria's walls to keep out. Or even worse is when there's going to be another Governor-esk person, too vicious for the people here to keep from disturbing the current notion of peace and quiet.

 

"You know" Carl is the one to break the silence, face turning towards the hunter. "You can enjoy what you have today, even if it means it might not be there tomorrow" The young boy asserts in a knowing voice, as though the current air has suddenly given him the ability to read minds or something. "You're more wanted and needed than you think you are, Daryl. Yet you're always keeping yourself so separated"

 

It isn't something that Daryl does on purpose, it hasn't been since the moment they left Hershel's farm. Daryl used to tuck himself into a sleeping bag in a tent while everyone else slept in the house back at Hershel's farm because he wanted to get away from them. Because he didn't want to get caught up in the mindless drama of who's sleeping with who and who's mad at who. But time goes on and people change, soon enough the very people he was avoiding became his family and their problems became his problems. He keeps himself disjointed now because of the lack of trust in the _other_ people that occupy this place.

 

These people have come together because it's convenient for them to be artificially united rather than fending for themselves as individuals, to them safety is in numbers. They wouldn't risk their own livelihood for each other, they wouldn't put their safety in jeopardy for their neighbor. They are cowards and cowards are the kind of people that are most venomous and most dangerous. Daryl has come across these kinds of people many times in his life and he doesn't sit outside because he doesn't want to be at one with his family, no. He sits outside because he wants to keep his family untarnished with the filthy way that these people think.

 

There are only two people that Daryl is beginning to trust in this whole place and that's Aaron and Eric. Because they genuinely want to help, because they care and don't expect anything back for their support.

 

Daryl sighs. It seems that doesn't really matter what his efforts are because even his own family seem to think that he's being nothing but dejected and trying to separate himself. And it's stupid because he did nothing but sit here and watch as his family slowly, but surely, assimilate in with these people.

 

Carol spends all her time cooking and mingling with the people here, Maggie has become Deanna's trusty right hand and Rick? Well, Rick's probably getting cozy with that Jessie chick somewhere out there.

 

Daryl doesn't realize the force in which he's picking on the tear on the knees of his jeans until he hears the ripping of fabric. Carl notices too.

 

"When I came to you and asked you about Enid you told me that in a world full of people eating, dead corpses and that we shouldn't risk not telling people how we feel, just in case we don't get tomorrow. You should really take your own advice, Daryl. Our people are trying to understand what these people are made of, it doesn't make us one of them nor does it make them one of us. Not until they prove themselves worthy of that level of trust" Carl nods towards the hunter as he speaks and behind his now long hair his eyes are visible, no trace of a lie in them. And Daryl understands now that what he's trying to say is that he'll never lose what he has, that their family bond isn't something a bunch of people can just come in and twist and bend to their liking. It kind of amazes Daryl how much of a strong mindset the young boy has, how observant he is of his surroundings and the level of consideration that manifests itself in him.

 

Daryl nods once because he really doesn't know what else to say.

 

Carl lifts himself and walks back inside after that, peaking his head out long enough to say one last thing. "If you're gonna play guard then at least put the blanket around you, it's starting to get cold"

 

Daryl smiles for the first time in a long time.

 

.....

 

"You know, you can talk to me if you want, Rick" Maggie announces from where she sits with a book in her hand, attention on the pages and not on the guy who is sat brooding on the sofa. After walking around for too long Rick decided that he was going to occupy himself in the small library this place has, only to find that Maggie was there already. "I ain't like Glenn, I can keep a secret" Her eyes skim through the words she's not reading, only keeping her face down so Rick doesn't feel interrogated, as her fingers fold and unfold the top corner of the paper.

 

"Talk to you 'bout what?"

 

Maggie shrugs. "Whatever it is that's keeping you so jittery"

 

Rick wasn't even aware that his actions were so obvious.

 

"Whatever it is you're thinking" she says "Whoever it is you're thinking about, you should tell 'em"

 

He considers taking Maggie's words into action for a split second but the odds are in favor of him facing rejection and he would rather the world come to an end six times over than go through the pain of disinterest from Daryl being confirmed. And at that moment every sound around him becomes white, background noise because Rick knows he's truly fucked. Up until now he's been able to scoot around the idea of who it is he's been longing for for so long, he's been able to tuck the concept into the deepest shadows of his unconscious mind. But now? now he's put a name to the person and there's no going back. To this very moment, they have been deep blue eyes, long, black hair and thin but soft lips of a nameless face. But now they are _Daryl's_ deep blue eyes, _Daryl's_ long black hair, and _Daryl's_ thin but soft lips.

 

And Maggie? Well, Maggie has settled her book on her lap and has a smile so wide on her face, like she's witnessing Rick have the world's greatest epiphany. And maybe this is his grand moment of realization, not of who it is but of the level of 'fucked' he truly is.

 

Too many thoughts spur through his head all at once and he tries to tell himself that all this is the byproduct of him being a single man for so long. But that doesn't explain why the only name that runs through his mind is 'Daryl Dixon'. There are plenty of other people he can choose from here at Alexandria if just wanting to spend a night with someone was the issue.

 

He always knew that his emotions stirred up differently than they did when he was around Daryl compared to everyone else, they have been that way since before they left the prison. And when the archer offered his own life upon a silver platter in return for Rick's to Joe the only word that Rick had the courage to utter was 'brother'. _You're my brother_ , he had said because he was forcefully sinking his feelings down as though he had tied them onto a giant rock and thrown them into the deepest end of the ocean. But now they're floating to the surface and Rick is trying so hard to drown them down again but there's nothing he can do but accept them.

 

"Daryl" He barely whispers in a bewildered state, mostly to himself, but Maggie responds anyway.

 

"Yeah, we know" And Rick notes that she says 'we' and not 'I'.

 

.....

 

Rick races down the path, towards the building where he knows Daryl is, like he's running the most important marathon of his life, but then again in some ways he is. He inhales in a much-needed lungful of air, attempting to make his legs move faster. _We_ , Maggie, had said. How many other people saw what he was blindfolding himself from for so long?

 

Daryl must have noticed him pacing down the street because he's running down the steps two at a time himself, coming to a halt in front of the leader, a look of worry painting his features. "Rick! What's wrong?" He asks, panicked like he's truly about to fight someone. His head rotates from one side to the other, clearly in search of some form of danger and he's just about to walk away to search the side of the house when Rick catches his arm and keeps him from moving away. The former sheriff stands there, chest quickly rising and falling in an attempt to regain his breath, a wide smile suddenly stretching his lips in a happy motion.

 

"Daryl"

 

"What tha fuck, Rick, what's goin' on?" His eyebrows come together in confusion, muscles still tight under Rick's touch.

 

"What if I told you that I feel different about you than I do about everyone else?"

 

"What?"

 

"Can I kiss you?" Daryl's eyes widen, the lips that were slightly agape moments ago clamping shut as though he's trying to process what he just heard. The moment is too long, and Rick fears that he might get punched in the face, but then Daryl takes him by surprise (as always) and nods. The former sheriff's hands move from where ha holds the hunters arms, palms tracing all the way up feeling every goosebump that forms on Daryl's skin on his way up. All Rick can think of is how beautiful the man is, the way his features come together, his voice, his presence, his very being. He thinks of how awestruck he is, how stupid he was for refusing to allow himself to recognize all these things before.

 

The leader cradles the archers face in his hands, completely admiring him, the idea of how this is the first time that Rick has actually seen him look fragile running through his mind. Daryl trustingly leans into the touch, blinking once then two times in a row. The two of them know exactly how they look, standing in the middle of the street, exposed for anyone passing to witness the very tender moment but they're not sure they care. And there will probably be words exchanged about them tomorrow on the streets by those outside their family but right now they really couldn't care less about all the things they say. For too long they have concealed their true feelings behind invisible barricades they created for themselves for no good reason. They don't need to do that anymore.

 

Rick closes the space between them, eyes falling shut on their own accord when his lips reach Daryl's delicate ones. slowly his arms wrap around his shoulder's and Daryl's do the same around the leaders waist, lips moving against each other. Rick's not sure if any amount of dreams, fantasies or illusions could credit this moment enough, because he thinks he now knows what it's like to offer vision to a blind man, hearing to a deaf man. His senses come to life and he's too sure he's already addicted to the taste on his lips, the feel of the other man's body under his arms, the desire to be even closer. Rick has to second guess if he thinks God is real when his tongue slips in between the other man's lips, their bodies molding into each other like they are a perfect set piece that only fit in with one and other.

 

"About time" Carol disrupts from where she's standing at the door frame and they quickly pull apart, the disruption setting Daryl's cheeks alight with a crimson shade of shyness "C'mon, love birds, it's dinner time. Maggie and Glenn will be back soon too"

 

.....

 

Daryl sleeps inside the house for the first time that night, waking up in the morning to a smiling Carl nudging both him and his father awake.


End file.
